the inky eagle

sharingtime:

• Start your email with “Hey girl (who has let me do unspeakable things to her), what’s up?”
• Refer to the used car you just bought as “some other guy’s sloppy seconds” followed by “your new boyfriend knows all about that” and then put three thousand winky emoticons after
• Tell her you heard she was in love with him; ask her if her definition of love when you were dating (“a guy I tolerated being around so I could use him for his money”) still holds true
• Your new e-mail signature? “‘My last girlfriend was a lying slut and I almost feel sorry for the new guy who has to put up with her shit.’ - Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird or something, wait, or Ulysses or another book which makes me seem super smart.”
• An erotic short-story in which you run into her and her new boyfriend on a date and then seduce him in order to prove to her that he’s gay